Day 17: My Version of Legal Highs

Evening all!

It was entrance exam today, so I was treated to a blissful Wednesday off. I won’t day that I’m disappointed by this. I got some Biology revision done. I practised my guitar. I did some last minute research on modelling a zombie apocalypse in preparation for my Maths Society Talk tomorrow. I watched Shaun of the Dead with the realisation that I knew nothing about zombies. It was a pretty good day. However at this moment, for no apparent reason at all, I am completely exhausted.

It could just be that I was out of the house for only 20 minutes today, and being stuck inside makes me feel super groggy and depressed, even if it is below freezing outside. It might be that I have done worryingly little exercise recently, bar walking around school and through town. It could be that there was no fruit in the house, or that we ran out of coffee (even though I only drink decaff). I’m not so sure.

The interesting thing is that I never feel this way after a school day. This is because being out of the house from 7am to 6pm bombards me with all sorts of stimuli for keeping me awake, even if it something as simple as the music in my earphones or the sound of some annoying secondary school kids. These are what keep me awake and alert, and prevent me from spontaneously keeling over in my seat.

A lot of people choose to stay awake by means I wouldn’t exactly consider…ideal. A lot of people use those tiny energy drinks that taste horrible and are crammed with all sorts of horrible substances, like taurine (synthesised bull sperm. Seriously, whose idea was that?). How can somebody bring themselves to drink something like that? These are also the kind of people who complain about exhaustion on a Monday, after two days of doing absolutely nothing.

This is just one of many silly ways in which people try and keep themselves alert. So, if you are one of those taurine-guzzling individuals who finds themselves unable to force their eyelids open, maybe this is your lucky day? Because I have my top three sure-fire ways of keeping you awake in the morning. In addition to actually working, all three of these methods are cheap, easy to make the most of and don’t involve you putting your health/sanity/tastebuds at any risk.

3. A Freezing Cold North Manchester Winter Morning

The only issue with this method is that it only really works between late December and late January. Regardless, if you ever find yourself in this situation, it is utterly impossible to fall asleep, mainly because if you do then you’ll end up a soggy, miserable mess. However, the huge benefit of these mornings is that these are the mornings which people live for. Rather than being pure lack of heat, these mornings have a certain refreshing nature to them. If it happens to be cold enough at around late November, as it has been recently, you will know that there is nothing like stepping out and seeing the leaves falling from the trees into a crunchy, icy pile below. I will be leaving Manchester this September, hopefully going to study in London. There will, though, be a few things that I will miss. These mornings are certainly going to be one of them.

2. Mars Bars

My mate Laurie will agree with me on this one. I cannot remember the last time he had’t just eaten a Mars bar, and I’ve known him for six years. Though he complains about exhaustion a lot, being an IB sucker student, he seems to spend at least most of the school day awake. Coincidence? I doubt it.

I’ve tried this method too. Once I had to do a an assembly in front to 400 people with an incredible bout of jetlag. My solution: two Mars bars. And it worked. Now, I will eat one 20 minutes before each guitar lesson, to miraculously improve my dexterity. I eat one before every presentation I do (two if I’m particularly nervous). To be honest, when you cram so much sugar into such a small chunk of chocolate (which is getting smaller. Something needs to be done about that. Laurie agrees), how can you not be completely alert afterwards?

1. Fuck Buttons – Brainfreeze

This seems like an odd heading for my top ‘legal high’, but it is most true in my opinion. Before my Chemistry mock last year, I listened to Brainfreeze by British electronic duo Fuck Buttons (a rather unorthodox name I know). Eight minutes later, my hands were shaken and I was as hyper as a four-year-old after an irresponsibly large fix of jelly beans. That probably explains why the exam didn’t go too well…

Even if it didn’t exactly fulfil what I set out for it to achieve (to get a good grade with the limited revision that I had done), I was really awake, and so it tops this list, which I clearly spent ages compiling and perfecting. Fuck Buttons have a wonderful technique about them, involving continually building sounds upon sounds, resulting in an incredible organised chaos, which permeates all three of their albums. However, in terms of staying awake, this song, the opening track from their 2013 album Slow Focus is the solution. All you need to do is listen to it:

And that concludes my post for today. I realise that the title wasn’t really representative of what I wanted to write about, but I haven’t done any of my three suggestions since about midday today, so I hope you can forgive me.

I hope to get a post out tomorrow, but I’m doubtful given it being Parents’ Evening. I’ll try my best though! Because I am still four days behind, and the 30th is looming…

See you soon!